It is exactly my last hour of being fifteen. It's been a crazy fucking year. I feel the need to look back before I move forward.
In my Fifteenth Year, I:
Changed schools and found a whole new world, met one of my best friends, shed some naivety, got wasted for the first time, smoked weed, started smoking cigarettes, fucked up a little more but grew up and got on track for the first time in years, started driving, shoplifted, got taken advantage of and manipulated but came out on fuckin' top (duh), experienced the rush of power that comes in knowing a guy likes you and it's all in your hands, expressed my feelings so much more, had so many night time adventures, saw some great shows, improved how I dress and tried to cater to my body a bit more, tried going veg, got into the 60's, let go a bit of obsessions, while some morphed and grew stronger, read some books, had my biggest friend fight ever, learned everyone deserves a second chance, started loving self help shit, took drastic turns from health to self destruct modes and back again constantly, FINALLY had those nights of driving around aimlessly with your girls blasting Blink in a shitty car with the windows down, met tons of new people, made friends out of enemies, got better at recognizing my feelings when they come up rather than after I acted upon them, understood that you can't change a relationship when you don't know how and to just enjoy what there is, started loving the music and not the presale packages, "It's about the music, not seeing," made endless 11:11 wishes, got more comfortable in my own skin when no one's around, became a better conversationalist, let my mind wander, found what it's like to be totally okay doing anything in front of a true best friend, dealt with heavy music news, road tripped, calmed down my bitchy status, spent the time on thinking now on doing, started looking at colleges, smiled more, learned by trial and error how to deal with the emotional wave, adopted a "try it before you condemn it" process, took so many shitty and wonderful risks...and it got me here.
Here. Now. On my feet. Still standing. Bloody and exhausted, but I'm facing Sixteen with light in my eyes and gold in my heart. It's done, over, all of it. It's gone. Only tomorrow remains, so why not think about that instead? I'm happier than I've been since I can't remember; the "music or the misery" days and the "am I crazy" days have combined to make up my life, but now it's just me living. And it's pretty fucking good. It's okay for me to just be a teenager now...I'm going to Do Me this year.
