I'm tired of feeling like I'm not really here. I am fully aware of my place in the air and the amount of air space I take up--but on the inside I feel as if I've just checked out. Mentally and emotionally. I am just so ready to start over but it's always "tomorrow" when today is perfectly fine. I'm sick of living on this side of the line, with everyone else. Quiet and inside the house all the time. I constantly want to CREATE but have no skills at channeling my feelings into tangible or enjoyable things. I'm stuck. So, so stuck. I'm going nowhere. Or at least fumbling around in circles of my own doing.
I see and witness so many beautiul things and I FEEL them--but I have no motivation. I am afraid. Of everything, it seems. The worst is that nothing has made me this way, it's the way I came, all packaged up. I'm done with being who I am. But am I being who I am? Or am I trapped in defenseless against herself, bored, unhappy, unhealthy Lauren? I don't think I've ever known who the real me is, because I have always been this way. Tired. I am tired. I want to write but have nothing to write about. If I do I can't get it out to save my life. I'm stuck.
