The girl in my mirror looks tired and her makeup is ruined. I don't want to be hollow. I miss the way things were. But I don't want to go back there. I want him to be happy. To be the symbol for us all because if he can do it, grab happiness, so can we. But to see him write that...I don't want him to go down. I missed the old him so much that seeing it back here in front of me only brings tears. Is it possible to miss someone you've never met that may not exist anymore? I haven't cried for this cause in so long. Almost cured. But not really.
I am not enough. Never was, really. And all I can do is smoke and fail. Get the fire in my lungs and maybe it'll go away. Please don't sink. Because if you do there's nothing keeping me afloat. Only something to pull me under. I'm cracking. Do I need to go away? Is admitting that to myself the worst thing that I can possibly do? Is it an escape from responsibility becauase I know the game? The protection and being excused? Is it not having to do anything, the safety from the outside world? My mind is tired and my body is never far behind. Those girls are the only thing keeping me together. I admire them so much-they get up and get it together better than anyone I know. I can't do it. I just can't do it. The post came so randomly but at the perfect time. I set myself up. I want to erase all of this and have something I've never had and can't name.
Sleep.
