A really large part of me would just like things to be simple. To not have my brain split in two: this life, that life. This time zone, that one. I don't have multiple personalities, I promise. Just this really weird one I'm stuck with.
Two different levels: it gets me stoked that we're on the same cycle. We're like vampires in it together, however many miles apart we are. I just like knowing that maybe you think the same thoughts too. It's fucked up but it gives me a strange sort of peace. But on the flip side, I hate that I get so jealous imagining whatever it is you're doing at any exact moment. I'm talking about two different people, by the way.
It gives me a misplaced feeling of superiority knowing that no one can manage or understand the loops and twists of my mind. I'm crazy in the literal sense and I never have the right words. I can't imagine anyone getting under my skin and finally getting it, me. I can't imagine anyone even remotely like you standing up and calling me out on my shit. But the last thing I need right now is someone like you. It kind of took me three years to figure that out.
