I'm tired of the sadness. Tired of November. This Scorpio moon cycle has been the worst in all my years. I'm ready for it to be over. With the Pheonixing moon I've accomplished nothing. I have a feeling it's time for a "suck it up and cry along the way at random intervals but know I'm doing my noble thing because I'm living up to expectations" phase that I generally do when shit gets bad like this. I'm determined not to fall into that big, big hole again. I owe it to myself. Like I said...this November has been really bad. The depression is the worst I've had in a while. I just want to move on.
So I'll read this book for my soul, go to school, do work, make calls, gather lists of wants and needs, make Christmas plans! Because really, I have nothing left to do but try to crawl back over the surface of that big hole. I don't want to fall down any deeper. I miss my friends. I miss normal sleep. I want to feel clean.
I want to decorate my room and make it fabulous, totally "mine" and the way I've always wanted it. My arms itch to type "even though in a week I'll be unhappy with it" but I'm trying to be positive. But I guess I typed it anyway. But...I want to do that. I want to decorate my adorable hot pink Christmas tree, play Christmas music, put up white lights all over, burn candles, eat pumpkin pie, have my friends over for a fun and silly Christmas party. I want to laugh.
