Posting again because I can.
I feel like I'm on the fence again. For about a week and a half I felt fantastic. Happy. But the last like, two days I've felt like I could go either way. My biggest fear is slipping and going back to how I was. My biggest fear is being locked up again. I've never told anyone this before. If they did put me away again, I couldn't handle it. I would probably end it all, to be honest. But everyone thinks that doesn't bother me, that I just do whatever I need to to get out. And that's partly true. But really, I've never felt worse than I did in the hospital. It just makes me angry on top of everything else.
But now...I feel like it's up to me. It always has been I guess, I just never thought of it that way. Right now I have to decide if I'm going to be happy or not. Because honestly, one tiny thing could throw me back to December. But it's my decision to let it get to me or not. I feel stronger. Maybe strong enough. Finally.
Goodnight.
